Caramel Porter sucks

OK, this is just pointless cattiness, but I had a beer I really fuckin' hated today. Spent a little of the evening visiting with our friends Wayne and Marijean. We sampled my pilsner and my smoke beer and then, zut alors, Saranac's Caramel Porter. So F.X. Matt is the big brewer in town. They contract brew for Brooklyn Brewing, they happen to make Mississippi Mud and Utica Club, and I think they brewed Billy Beer back in the day. But their main gig is the Saranac line. These are not bad beers by and large. I hate their lager, but they've got a decent pale ale, a decent IPA, a Mocha Stout I rather like, a Roggenbock, some assorted seasonal things that are quite decent, and so on. They also make a bottled black and tan people here seem to like. But I share the feelings of a friend of mine who wishes they would pour out the tan part and just bottle the black part. They don't have a year-round stout or porter, the dipshits.

Anyway, then there's the seasonal "Caramel Porter." Hated it. Had it before--hated it then too. Lisa was offered one and then crapped out and wanted to nap or something and I wound up with 3/4 of a beer. What a wretched piece of shit that porter is. I had my smoke beer in one hand, and the porter in the other, and I just couldn't help wondering why they have a brewery and I have a pot and an electric stove. . . The first thing you notice about Saranac Caramel Porter is the nose--it REEKS of caramel. Sugary, sugary, sugary. The label says it's hopped with Fuggles and Goldings, but you couldn't tell that in a million fucking years. All it smells like is caramel. You can't even pick out roasted grain aromas for Christ's sake. . . Then it's not dark enough and the palate is just pitiful--it has NO BODY at all. The thinnest porter I've ever drunk. Then the finish swings back toward gooey, unpleasant caramelliness. I just couldn't contain my bile about this beer and went on a long tirade, probably offending someone. Now I've gone and done it again.